tOrn aPart

2006-12-07T20:58:00.000-08:00

It had been MONTHS since i last blog yeah?
Emotions kept here and memories left behind.
I was definitely thinking too much recently.
With all those emo shit and lots of blah blah blah.

Well let's talk about my clubbing sessions this month.
Met up with gui, cal and diyanah.
Went for pool before heading down to Momo.
Ya dah some aunty left her drinks on top of the dustbin and POP it drops on the floor and the drink splahes on cal and gui.
According to cal's temper,
It will be quite normal that she flares up and make a mess out of it.
So ya she did it and uh huh the aunty was really shock to see everything on the floor instead of the dustbin when she left the mall.
Then headed down to Momo.
Club Momo is definitely a club that i will never go to ever again in my entire life.
The music sucks big time.
But well my groupie was fun though.

Then few days later.
Went down to Zouk.
Had lotsa fun with the girls though the music was kinda outdated.
And i was mistaken as kaesen when i'm not?
Hello I'm Hayden and not Kaesen?
Ha like whatever.

OH this entry is like so RANDOM?
HEH.

It still hurts.

2006-08-15T08:37:00.000-07:00

HOHOHO!
I'm so into these songs.
PULLING ME BACK? LONDON BRIDGE?
TOO LITTLE TOO LATE? I'M NOT MISSING YOU?
RAH! Crazyness fills up my SMALL SMALL world.
Prelims started like last week?
But school was F-U-N.
Homed straight after school like almost everyday.
However, the jokes that my clique cracked really makes me go WOO HOO HOO.
LIME JUICE MAKES ME HIGH.

2006-08-08T19:52:00.000-07:00

Been through just about everything
that i could go through when it comes to relationships
dont know what i was missing or why i aint listen
when i told myself that was it
but here i go hurt again cause
of my curiosity now that its over
what else could it be
besides a cheat

i made a promise
never to settle
why didnt i keep it
cos i needed the heart break
crying and cheating the fooling around

but im not missing u
im not going through emotions
waiting and a hoping u call me
im not missing u
u mighta had me open
but i must be going because
i got lots to do
i know im usually hanging on
i used to hate to see u go
but this time its different
i dont even feel the distance
im not missing im not missing u

its a shame in a way
cos i feel that i may not
ever find the right one for me
did i leave her this year
i didnt find a face
will my true love ever be
how could i go on a search again
when i know what the end will be
what good is love when it keeps on hurting me

no i cant be with u cos
im scared felt like i was falling when u left me
i cant keep going through life
unaware of what im missing
or the person that i could be
loves good when its right
bad when its left
in ur memory all the time anytime
i guess love will be nice for someone
this is life

2006-07-16T01:12:00.000-07:00

It's proven indeed that in the begining there ain't any glimmer of hope.
Not at all.
It's coming to 3years.
I've thought it through.
I should and must let go.
It's true that people do grow up from their naive, innocent self and some don't.
I've grown up from that little naive world of mine.
I can't be that fourteen year kid that only talks about stupid and naive topics.
Can't afford to go back to that inncocent little kid that holds on to your hands in silence in order to keep the relationship going.
Holding on will not get me get out of my agony,
Letting go will be the solution
Or maybe letting go will mark the end of such pathetic misery.
And i realised no matter how hard we try,
Things will never be the same again.
Finally you came back, not to me, but you came back and brought me to the end of the journey that i once thought i will never reach.
It ended not by tears, instead it ended with the joy of realising the true meaning of love and what we really wanted was not each other but just the presence of a true friend that will really understand.
ENDED.

2006-05-05T06:44:00.000-07:00

POOF*
It's been so long since i last blog.
Firstly when i enter the school today.
I was in a daze as usual.
BUT suddenly i heard someone shouted super loudly "JULIET!",
and there, it's glynis that scare me.
oh no, she said it's suppose to be a 'morning call', uh huh more like a morning scream yeah?
well, after exams went out with clique and two little pigs for lunch.
After lunch went home and change then met up with the clique and pigs for badminton and all.
well the clique and pigs will never fail to brighten up my day.
shall end here.
-ended-

2006-04-17T06:07:00.000-07:00

BAck to BLOG!
15/4/06
Went for 2.4km run.
With leisha's help, i manage to get position 36.
After the run, had breakfast with anne, gina, won feng, arni, kelly, rina and leisha at MACS.
Then met kelly, leisha and anne in the afternoon at compass.
Took bus with down to indoor stadium for HOLLABACK CREW.
the performances were really nice but if they exclude the kiddy melodies i think it'll be perfect.
aftER the performances, met family for dinner.

TODAY was like POOF i'm SUPER HYPER.
i sang as usual in class.
rina and sherina was crazy.
TEMPERATURE is now their mooink life.
they sang temperature like everyday in different version.
just name it, slow or fast rap, they can just sing it out.
woohoo saw junior today but she's like so cold towards me.
she did not even smile to me at all today.
then after school studied with kelly, leisha, rina and won feng.
went home straight after that.
TIring day indeed.

ENDED

2006-04-07T07:05:00.000-07:00

I'M LOVING IT.
Today school was boring.
Got booked in the morning because i was late for swim meet yesterday.
then in the result did not get to do my practical.
Hmm was not feeling well till recess.
Saw eye candy but yes decided not to look at her anymore.
Because i think her whole group of friends were staring at me when i walked pass them today.
so yes, it's time to like stop looking before people starts to misunderstand.
Then after school, went home and fetch my dog to the doctor with mum.
my tuition teacher was so damm irritating.
i told her i can't make it because i got something on.
but she insist that i should go today,
so she called my mother and told her that i'm trying to skip her lessons again.
she's really a CRAZY woman that only knows how to complain and talks about the FEES.
and uh huh, went down to look for kel, leisha, gina, wonfeng, anne and an ni at RM to study.
left at around 8 plus then went to the night market to eat.
reached home at about 9.30.

2006-04-06T04:33:00.000-07:00

SWIM MEET.
Met Qian in the morning to go to the swimming complex located at TOA PA YOH.
so damm bloody far. took like an hour plus to reach there.
Spent the whole morning cheering and slacking around in the complex till 12.30pm.
Left for lunch with the kelly, rina, leisha, na and jane.
Ate Cafe Cartel, had fun trying on everybody's food because i was very hungry.
everyone was like 'you want to try mine?' i just nod and they will feed me with theirs.
BUT i was eating my MACRONI when they fed me though.
HAha then took photos in cartel too.
oh ya, the services there was LOUSY.
the can't be bothered attitude the waiteresses gave just pissed me off.
maybe is just because we were in uniform.
uh huh something funny happen too when we met won feng, gina and gang after lunch.
SAW something really obscence.
this butch was sitting down on the chair near her push cart stall.
the POINT is she did not wear a boxer so when she sits and her jeans were pulled down,
SO her butt crack and like 1/5 of her butt was shown.
then my friend went to tell her. HOHO she was so shocked when she knew about it.
DOWN to anne's house for our PART 2 movie.
after movie, we on some emo mo mo music then everybody starts to play and dance.
haha today was tiring but filled the whole day with SMILES and only SMILES.

I'M SO LOOKING FORWARD TO EVERYDAY. *POOF

2006-04-05T04:31:00.000-07:00

finally it's WEdnesday.
indeed it's a long day.
went for remedial then to badminton.
well i SANG in class non stop and talk like there's aint any tomorrow.
uh huh after recess, i die off in english class.
everyone was like 'Shoosh she finally slept.'
during badminton, though was not really happy at first.
hmm Avril cheered me up somehow BUT she was the reason why i'm ain't happy.
after cca, was raining and walked home in the rain.
had not been walking under the rain for so long, was quite nice though.

THE END.

2006-04-03T03:10:00.000-07:00

a BIG thank you to the BITER cum wifey, calista.
lalala SCREAMS!
today school was like SUPER boring.
was really hyper for the whole day.
manda was not feeling good though, but yes i think i manage to cheer her up a little, i guess.
during recess, amanda saw eye candy then she was like "HEY your eye candy is over there."
then i stupidly turned and look directly into her eyes.
oh faint, she blushed and i blushed too.
my face was RED because that girl was just sitting like 4 seats away from me?
BAck to class, the maths trainee teacher keep staring at me and checking my homework.
keep asking 'why finish your work so fast? let me see your work.' etc.
i'm going INSAne with her in my maths class to spy on me and my HOMEWORK.
ah ha. but it's so FUN disturbing the maths trainee.
shall end here.

2006-04-02T05:20:00.000-07:00

HEYS HAYden smayden!
I've helped you create your skin,
Use it manns. Don let webbie crawl in
calista*
I know you love me too!!
;)

2006-03-30T02:00:00.000-08:00

I LAUGHED, I HIT AND I FELL.
yes i FELL during badminton practice.
I swear that was the most embarassed moment i ever had.
5 years of badminton practice yet i fell right in front of my juniors.
AHHHHHHHH!
today in school we had some mission talk going on.
the lady that spoke to us was SUPER DUPER sarcastic.
And she asked question like...
'Raise up your hand if you are a lesbian.'
Next, 'Raise up your hand if you smoke'
my classmates just shoot her right back to her.
'Who on earth will raise their hands up and say 'Yes i'm a lesbian and yes i do smoke.' '
i find it like so ridiculus to ask these question infront of our teacher.
like what can she do if she know that they're lesbians and they smoke.
uh huhh, talking about lesbians.
i realise that there is a great increase in lesbianism.
I wonder is it just a trend to become one or simply just dress like one?
people nowdays misinterpret the meaning of lesbians.

'Consequently, the meaning of the term lesbian is neither fixed nor permanent. BUT lesbian is often used to refer to self-identified "out of the closet" women, rather than all women who engage in same-sex sexual behavior. And lesbian do also refers to a woman whose primary emotional and sexual relationships are with other women.'

However, teenagers like us that undergo such process.
isn't it just a part of growing up?
Once we grew out of it,
It really became just part of our life isn't it?
oh man now i sound so old to talk about all this.
ah ha, but i don't understand why parents could not accept the fact that their daughters called themselves a lesbian. let alone those in the mid 20's to 30's. these teens that called themselves a lesbian does not fit into the requirement of being one so i don't see a point why parents must kick a big fuss about it.
I wonder.....

ENDED

2006-03-03T05:16:00.000-08:00

WOAHAA!
I'm back here to UPDATE.
In school everything was like BUSY BUSY BUSY.
For the past few weeks,
me and clique went for so many outings.
Still not really rady to get down to study.
Had sakae with na, manda and jane.
THEY tricked me to the toilet and put wasabi into my food.
true enough, i threw it all out.
then next outing to seoul garden,
Had a fun fun day with manda, jo, na, nana, kel and jane.
celebrated jo's birthday.
took pictures and OH MAN it's so unglam but fun.
then down to PIZZA outing today,
ate pizza with the clique and talked for awhile before leaving them.

well, spending almost 3/4 of a day in sch for remedials, four days in a week.
really had been BUSY yet fun in sch and of cause after sch.
PHEW! it's another busy week ahead in two days time.

-ENDED-

2006-02-16T05:08:00.000-08:00

valentine day is just another day.
yes simply another day.
went down to kovan on 14th.
pass her the present and somehow it marks the end of everything.
at least i knew i tried, really tired to hold on.

*girl you are really hard to get. i knew i had been a nuisance for this past few months but still thanks for even letting me try. you are really someone sweet. it's time i give up. i bet your love for your ex still remains. i tried to replace them, but yet it's really hard to enter your life, let alone replacing them. just take good care of yourself ok?

on the 13th, something happen, it made a big impact in my life.
again, friends? no matter how close we are.
be it for 3 years or 1 year,
i had never doubt the trust in btwn us,
but still they prove me all wrong.
the two i trusted most yet they are those that makes me feel disappointed.
actually it is better to realise that trust don't exists in this friendship anymore.
the later i realise, i think the impact on me will be greater.
everything ended for the three of us.
no more hanging out, no more clubbing nights, no more screaming and jumping around in town.
and i will never bring myself to trust anyone of you again.
disappointed indeed.
sigh.

-EVERYTHING ENDED FOR US-

2006-01-01T07:58:00.000-08:00

yes i'm BACK to update.
friday went to watch king kong with dude and jia bao.
after that they went to play pool, waited for them and i thought of *you.
i asked what your nick meant.
it was for someone, not me.
i waited for your messages, i waited in vain.
yesterday went countdown with cat and meishan.
went to drink, did not get drunk when i tried so hard to.
then you msged to wish me a happy 2006,
when i replied, i bet you had fallen asleep.
today i waited for you to message, but yet i spent the whole day staring at that blank screen and waited for it to beep.
in the end it still remain blank.
till now have you realise i'm still waiting?

-GONE-

2005-12-18T10:29:00.000-08:00

.UPDATING.
hellos wellos!
had not update this blog for quite long.
well well well, things are still the same.
everyday my life is filled with work and work alone.
recently life became rather boring.
no more gatherings, no more pool games SO i've decided to quit my job soon.
i MISSED all those gatherings and hanging out with niece, dude and all at the cafe.
actually to be exact, i'm MISSING everyone.
GRINS.

2005-11-10T06:14:00.000-08:00

today work was terrible.
i was looking rather distracted and got scolded from boss.
i was thinking.. thinking of something i should not had even thought in the beginning.
i asked something so impossible to someone.
i used to tell everyone to look positive.
but sometime, somethings can't be thought positively.
i did not blame for that answer that someone gave yesterday.
i expected it earlier on before i even asked.
but i always hope things may turn out better,
in the end still, there aint anything to be happy about.
till now, i realised,
i'm too tired to love.
i'm tired of waiting.
i'm tired of running behind something so far away from me.

to you*
you don't have to apologise. i was the one that asked, i was the one that made you felt guilty. i did not meant to do anything that makes you feel this way. i'm mentally prepared for that answer you gave. i'm sad but there is nothing i can do. it's all an one sided thing from the beginning till now. is me who thought and felt this way, not you. i was the one trying to reach for the impossiblity. you aint at fault, neither am i. thanks for eveything.

2005-11-07T06:52:00.000-08:00

phew. finally have time to blog.
well well well, just came back from work not long ago.
rather tiring.
sigh she's not replying my msges.
maybe her mum don't allow again.
i'm really in a lost, i had hinted her so many thousand times.
but she seems to ignore or maybe she knows but trying to pretend she don't know?
or maybe she really don't get it?
all this thoughts had been running through my little tiny brain.
nothing much to update too.
sigh.

2005-10-23T18:47:00.000-07:00

Now I know that we were close before.
I'm glad I realised I need you so much more.
And I don't care what everyone will say.
It's about you and me.
And we'll never be the same again.
I thought that we would just be friends.
Things will never be the same again.
It's just the beginning it's not the end.
Things will never be the same again.
It's not a secret anymore.
Now we've opened up the door.
Starting tonight and from now on.
We'll never, never be the same again.
Never be the same again.

went to compass to meet cat at around 12 plus.
headed to town to meet mei shan and joey.
walked for awhile than met dude and niece.
had lunch at KFC and we saw cat and her friends again.
SO bloody full. *burps.
after lunch we went to fareast to buy dude's pants.
took mrt to bugis after that to play that game machine.
in the end the NANO ipod still did not drop out of that stupid machine.
slacked around in bugis till 6 plus.
than went off for dinner with my relatives.

.ENDED.

2005-10-10T20:49:00.000-07:00

well recently too many things happen in sch.
i'm seriously disappointed and hurt by what that so called brother told me.
brother is not a word for you to call.
you are not fit to even call someone brother when you can even accuse someone without any reason.
if you think that by even not contacting you, i'm able to predict what you and your stead did for the past few weeks and can even go around telling your ex things about you.
trust what they say than.
if i were to help your ex, i will not even help you in the very first place and lost a friend because of you.
now i really wonder whether is it really worth it to even help you in the very place.
i can't possibly be bothered to call you and explain all this shit to you now.
if you get to see this blog, that will be SO good.
THANKS for what you had caused my first and last so called 'trusted' brother.

2005-10-10T04:35:00.000-07:00

FINALLY n level examination is over.
well now is only the start of my holiday but i'm getting real BORED.
finding job tmr with ah boi and her mum.
hopefully will get a job by wednesday.
nothing much to update recently though.

NIECE
-no worries. i will try my very best to let go of her. it's not easy though. but time seems to fly, it's already going to two years, or already two years? hmm well as long as she's going fine and living her life happily each day. i'll let her go when i stop worrying about that silly kid. i have the determination to try..so... DON'T WORRY for your uncle. SMILES. you and dude must love and treasure each other more and more each day alrights because it will be too late to regret if that person is gone. moreover you all have a TEN years contract, so keep to that contract.

DUDE
i knew you will take good care of niece. so.. continue loving and dote her with all your heart. SMILES. must meet up real soon for our POOL game again. next time i'm going to win you. -evil laughter.

2005-09-29T00:57:00.000-07:00

uh huh. next week i will be having my N's.
one week of nightmare will soon begin.
now the choice is really mine,
if manage to pass N's,
whether to go for O''s next year or go to ITE.
hmm well recently our relationship had improved.
even if i know that everything is immpossible now,
but at least she still did not avoid me,
girl, trust me, one day i will surely give my blessings to you and that person of yours.
and silly, don't ever let let her hurt you anymore.
it really hurts alot to know that you teared.
-sometimes i wish i could be a tear in your eye and roll down your cheek and lessen your pain each time but i'd never wish for you to be a tear in my eye for i'll lose you each time i cry-

2005-09-15T03:52:00.000-07:00

hmm NIECE complained that i only made 1 entry.
so yar, today my form teacher drived me crazy i'm totally fucked up by her sucky attitude.
she acts like a 5 year old kid when she's already 3o plus.
she just simply SUCKS.

yesterday i talked to *her online.
she told me to take my O's. so PEOPLE i had decided to take my O's.
SMILES. hope you are feeling better now.

2005-09-10T21:31:00.000-07:00

have not update for quite long though.
recently my life sucks,nothing went right.
i cried when i see our picture it reminds me about our memories,
i'm feeling rather terrible this few weeks. i need her just as much as how she need that person of hers.
when i heard from niece that i do not stand a chance anymore. i'm totally heart broken.
there aint even a 0.00001 chance given. i don't wish to break the both of you up.
i just want to love you. i do not want anything in return and i do miss you alot.
people always say that action speaks louder than word. but after such a long waiting,
i'm tired to carry on with my life and i knew that you will never turn back and pull me up anymore.
but girl all i can say now is, one day i will surely give you and that person of yours all my blessings.
and please carry on with your life happily, you need not spare a thought for me.
i know that person can bring you happiness that i can't give, our memories will always stays in my heart.
_ENDED_

2005-08-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

WOOHOO!
prelims finally ENDED.
yesterday was the 4th!
well went out with the whole clique.
but the first three hours was terrible,
ah boy, pal, ah di and i roam around compass for THREE hours.
the girls really take their own sweet time to bathe.
after meeting them we went to kovan to take neoprints.
that place happens to be the worst place i can ever go in kovan now.
the people working there must have hated me to the core for whatever reason it is.
but well,
after taking the neoprints,
went for pool and had really enjoyed my day with them.
last but not least,
HAPPY ANNIVESARY to all.

*pal
do treasure her alrights?
i told you things will be fine.
so next time do trust my words.
and do take good care of yourself.
if still feeling unwell, do go and see the doctor alrights.
GRINS.

2005-07-30T09:24:00.000-07:00

it's been so long since i last blogged.
hmm one month is approaching.
really looking forward to it.
now talking to pal online.
added her a freaking testimonial too.
brother and na came my house today.
had lots of fun with them.
nothing much to update too.

to PAL:
you must hang on ok?
things will surely get better.
must take care alrights?

to BROTHER and NA:
it's been a fun day today with the both of you.
na, no worries about the thing alrights?
i will try my best to fixed it back.
brother, all th best for your first JOB.
everything will be fine,
i have tons of confident in you.

to my baby girl:
we quarrelled a moment ago.
i'm dissapointed.
it meant to be a joke,
you know i will not invade your privacy,
yet you said that word,
it really HURTS alot.
i'm sorry i hanged up the phone,
it really hurts.

2005-07-14T06:27:00.000-07:00

today just suck.
phone got confiscated but got back at last
but well quarrelled with that WOMAN.
she did not even respect me.
why must i respect her?
all she do is use her status as a teacher to scold me.
that WOMAN is most probably the worst teacher i ever seen.
*stares*
nothing much to say too.
everything is TOTALLY ruined by her today.

*baby if you get to read this blog entry,
i wanted to apologise for not being there for you to cry on when you needed me so badly.
love you always.

2005-07-11T04:48:00.000-07:00

hmm.. IT'S TIME TO UPDATE MY BLOG!
woohoo. 040705 IT STARTED!
well this few days have been hanging out with baby, pal, baby number 5, audrey, ah boi, baby number 2, brandy they all. had lots of fun at esplanade on friday night. but well even though this few days was fun, lots of unhappy stuffs happen too.
just that sometimes i can't really take it. and moreover prelims is two weeks from now. have to really buck up on my studies. sighs.

2005-06-28T17:38:00.000-07:00

woohoo. yesterday went to long john with na, jane,kelly, leisha and amelia.
had lots of 'POLITICAL' talks.
ahha. it was like so crazy of us to even talk about all those topics.
but well who cares?
it's FUN. stayed in long john as if long john belongs to our grands'.

today was a little boring in sch.
amanda wasn't in sch.
hmm but history lesson was horrible.
that poh was staring and noticing every little move i did in class.
well she spotted me talking to na they all about ytd political talks.
and she said the same old thing.
"i don't know why some girls come to MY class, when they are not interested in history at all. next time just don't come in.'
when she was saying this phrase she was STARING right at me.
uh huh, i was quite hyper today though.
so can't really blame me from getting distracted in class.
then went home straight after sch.
BORING.

*nise thanks for helping me with my blog.
shall meet up real soon yes? GRINS

2005-06-26T11:52:00.000-07:00

brr. it's sunday.school gonna start tomorrow.
how i wish holidays will never end.well,
yesterday went to my cousin's bbq.
was quite boring, but somehow a little fun.
drank alittle cause have no more money to buy another.
it's been so long since i last drank. phew.

*hmms i read *your blog again.
saw what you wrote to that *ue again.
and girl,i don't know whether you have let me go,
cause whatever i can see is that *ue of yours,
never ever tell me that 'even if i like you i wun tell you',
i hate this answer you always give me,
now i'm proud to say that i've let you go.
and never will i let anyone enter my heart so easily anymore.
i think this is what you wanted all along.
when the day you get to read this blog maybe i'll be someone different.

*van do take care. just came back from camp yes?
don't fall sick yups.

*sinyee LITTLE SISTER.
i told you before not to regret looking at my blog.
how's your eyes? going blind soon?SMILES.
when you really go blind, come to big brother,
i'll be always here to led you cause i'm the one that cause you to get blind yes?
haha take care.

2005-06-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

sch as usual sucks. but had fun in class with my clique till like 5pm.
went home to bath then headed to tampiness with mom and sis for dinner.
i ate almost 3/4 of the food,
got so damm full. phew.

2005-06-17T22:03:00.000-07:00

well well well,
brand new morning.
just finished having tuition.
brr had diarrihoe for the whole of yesterday and today,
now my legs are so wobbly,
hmm now curently,
only van will get to read my blog yes?
cus this blog only created ytd so it's sort of unknown to everyone.

2005-06-17T00:33:00.000-07:00

there was a voice inside me,
asking me to carry on,
i know i should cause i can't feel your presence anymore,
but it hurts me to see those entries you wrote,
truthfully i hated myself for looking at all those entries,
and in the end everything does not matter anymore,
i do not hold a place in that tiny heart of yours,
the tears i cried no longer matters to you at all,
and the tears you cried aint for me but for that special person of yours,
you always hope that she was yours,
and yet i'm just a fool trying so hard to accept the fact that you ain't mine at all,
i wanted you as much as how you wanted her to be yours,
you are the one that pulled me up from hell,
yet you are also the one that threw me back to the toturous place that i never thought you would bear to,
but well it really shows how much you did care about how i felt.

.ENDED.